Becoming the Steward for My Energy
Written by Mia Esquivel, CMT
Welcome to the first edition of Notes from the Sierra: a monthly offering born from the voices within our own community.
This series is a space for the wisdom of lived experience, the elemental insights that shape our work, and the inspiration we draw from the mountains, forests, and beyond. Each month, someone from our teaching, guiding, or creative circles will share a reflection—a story, a lesson, a moment of relationship with nature or Self.
The only parameters we offer: make it honest. Make it from the heart. Make it real. Rooted in place, shared in the spirit of connection.
Read on for our first entry from Mia Esquivel!
March 2, 2026
I often think about how I steward my energy.
Am I resonating as a searchlight, or a tuning fork?
BECOMING THE SEARCHLIGHT
This metaphor landed so hard for me when I attended a conference in December with Kate Northrup (kudos to her teaching on this!). The embodied feeling of becoming the searchlight is tension, shallower breathing, a mind that races. When I resonate as a searchlight I find I am seeking approval, permission and congratulations for my efforts.
My energy burns hot and fast like wildfire, until it burns me out.
It is a sense of chasing something that I can never quite catch.
It makes the process of creation so hard and the completion feeling so lacking.
And yet, I feel myself trying so hard, cycling through peaks and valleys, not knowing if I will make it. And it feels like I am going at it alone. Like I must generate all the energy needed from myself.
THE PRINCIPLES OF NATURE
Nature does not seek approval to plant a seed.
Now stick with me here, because when I find my brain and body to be out of balance, I am also out of alignment with the principles of nature that govern my human-animal body. My mind is powerful and can lead me to believe a lot of brilliant, logical thoughts that are wildly misaligned with those principles of nature. I might even walk that trail for some time. But all the while my energy is leaking by seeking so hard for the answers. In this state I sense myself as a solo explorer—in the environment, but not of it.
I have lived this way many years, mostly unaware that this has been my default operating system. Such excitement for a new project, then the first challenge would arrive, followed by the feeling of not being enough. I would seek approval in some way, then console myself by saying, “I can try again later.”
Deflated and burnt out, all I wanted was to binge watch Endeavour and take a nap.
TRYING VERSUS KNOWING
‘Dipping my toes in’ is very different from the commitment of a full body YES.
Knowing is much like when a seed sprouts and begins to grow into the plant it is to become. There is no way to prepare for every challenge it will face. The plant adapts to all kinds of weather and keeps growing. The plant doesn’t say, “Oh, I guess I will try again next year…”
In integrity to the vision I have for my life, I shifted from “trying” to a full body YES. The alignment I felt from this shift alone was like stepping into a brighter, bigger version of my life. To be clear, there aren’t fewer challenges (actually there are more because I am taking more action, more often) but they don’t stop me.
Keeping the commitment to myself feels like the most radical act of self love—alignment and the true embodiment of integrating a new way of being. The problems that confront me are transforming the vision I have for my life into the reality I can feel myself living.
I can feel the flow of energy has less friction, like I have taken my foot off the brakes.
BECOMING
My old way of trying was also bound to a vision of a linear journey.
That is not the nature of growth and healing. The reality is to have the ability to adapt more quickly.
To be with what is: feel it, see it, and move with it.
My new vision emerges daily to reveal a landscape for this journey that honors the rhythms of the seasons. It’s cyclical, it’s messy, it is embedded in the ecosystem of my life. I used to sprint for the finish line with singular focus. When I stumbled, my consistency would wane and shame would sink me.
In this season of growth my speed varies, my focus is expanding and my success is measured by consistent, aligned action anchored by my 100% commitment to my word. In this state I know all problems can be figured out—just as I know in my bones that they always show up. This is after all, a learning life.
THE TUNING FORK
The embodied feeling of becoming that tuning fork is expansion, fuller breath, and a mind that is in flow and deep connection to source energy.
In this state I am not seeking to generate my own energy: I am the conduit for that flow.
I am not seeking validation or permission because I am in integrity with the small actions I am taking daily.
Each act of integrity makes it easier to resonate as the tuning fork, to find it again when the journey takes a hard left turn. And knowing that I am literally connecting to the grand ecosystem of energy that supports all life, I feel the embodied sense of being better together, making the doing of hard things…better.
I am feeding my fire steadily, so it burns without burning me out.
That steady burn is fed by space for deep focus, watering one seed of an idea at a time and recognizing that my ideas have a life cycle of their own.
This is my “lighthouse” when I fall back to that searchlight energy. And the thing is, I now expect that when I find myself scrolling social media, comparing myself to a peer in my field who has a decade more experience, measuring my success against made up benchmarks and unrealistic expectations; I feel the tension in my body, but I don’t spiral far before I catch myself. I breathe into my heart, feel my body and recalibrate.
This is the real gold. It isn’t the endpoint of a goal. In my experience it’s the ability to recalibrate and recover faster.
IN THE WILD
The rhythm of experience cycles fast and slow, short and long.
When I feel my energy flowing away from me, I lean into my practices first. I start with the ones that are so easy I cannot talk myself out of them. The ones that support the natural laws that govern my body and reestablish safety in my nervous system.
I go outside.
I breathe.
I move.
I connect with people I love.
I nourish myself with good food.
I express emotions.
I rest.
I drink water.
I dance and sing to move my energy.
And then, my energy flows back to me. It flows through me. I return to connection—a conduit resonating with energy supported by the grand ecosystem of life.
Better, together.
MEET MIA
A professional bodyworker since 1999 and owner of Embody Energy, Mia is insatiably curious and continuously invests in her education. Currently, the study of Applied Neurology and Nutritious Movement continues to draw her into deeper levels of learning.
A once upon a time wildland firefighter, backcountry trail crew cook and whitewater rafting guide; she found her way to the edge of Yosemite in 2006, making this her family’s home.
Her passion is in finding playful, powerful and practical ways to integrate a higher level of healing into our everyday lives.